We want to raise polite children who are respectful of others but we also have a need to keep our kids safe from strangers. Navigating between these two goals can be tricky! 

By the time your child is four years old, she can likely understand the concept of strangers and distinguish between “safe” adults and complete strangers. She may also believe that “nice” and “safe” go hand-in-hand, even though that is not necessarily true.

For that reason, it’s important to teach her that an adult, even one she knows well, should never ask a child to keep a secret from her parents or to help her outside the presence of other people.

Rather than scaring a child needlessly, provide context when explaining whom can be trusted and whom should be avoided.

For example, have a discussion about the adults in her life: “Who do you know and trust? What about grandma and grandpa?” 

Separate that from other people she knows less well but with whom she can still engage: “Who do you know a little? What about a classmate’s parents or mom’s friend?” 

And distinguish both of those examples from strangers. “Who do you not know at all? Who should you not trust?” 

When you go out in public, help your child to recognize the type of strangers who can help him if he’s in trouble, such as police officers and security guards.

Establish clear, simple rules for where to go and with whom to speak if you happen to get separated. 

Explain to your child that if she is with a safe adult or if she is alone and needs help, it is okay to talk politely to strangers.

However, if she is alone and is approached by a stranger, it is always good to say “I’m not supposed to talk to strangers” and immediately find a safe adult.