"I hate you," "I don't like you,” and “you're a bad man" are words that people may have heard children say. When these words are heard, it might make one feel angry and unsettled.

I remember there was a child who always talked and disrupted the class. I would ask him to sit and try to calm down. However, his first reaction was to resist and very emotionally cry out "I hate you.” I was not angry when I first heard these words. Instead, I was hurt because I knew that he liked me. I stood beside him feeling unsettled, waiting for him to calm himself. After I saw him calm down, I squatted down and talked to him patiently while looking him in the eye. In the end, he felt sorry and I gave him a hug. I said to him, "you are forgiven” and told him we could start on a clean slate. 

I learned from this experience that we need to choose the right method when a child loses his or her temper. We shouldn’t rush to make the child apologize or give the child the silent treatment. The best solution for malicious words is to give the child space to calm down and think about what he or she really wants to say. After this we can talk to the child again.

If you really want to make a difference with a child, you need to start by adjusting your own mindset. Don’t always say to them "It is for your own good." We need to try to look at situations from the child's perspective, and adapt accordingly. This approach will be much more effective for both teacher and student.

Ruijing Lora

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