Being a Role Model or a Servant
I, as a “servant” of my child, have been on duty for three years and seven months at my age of 32. Oh, I still have a very long way to go…

When my little “Lord” was born, I felt so overwhelmed and had no idea what to do as a new mother. Now, I have already learned how to work with my little “master”. Here I would like to share my personal experience with you.



In the first year, my mother came to help me take care of my baby. I found out that with the help of my mother I did have more time to rest but it was obvious that we had different views on parenting and I often got angry but felt it was difficult to express my feelings. I realized that if I continued to have a bad mood it would certainly not be conducive to the growth of my child. So when my baby was more than half a year old, my husband and I began to take care of him on our own. As you know, parenting is a very difficult thing.

Now Daniel is three and a half years old. He is a sweet and lively little boy in Sunshine Home. He cried for ten minutes on the first day of school and never cried again. He never resisted going to school. He knows clearly what mom and dad’s requirements are, what the boundaries are, and what he can and can’t do. For example, he would turn off the TV by himself after watching two episodes of cartoons (He is allowed to watch only two episodes of cartoons every day, no other screen time).




He has developed very good concentration. He loves to use his mind and think, with the willingness to try. When he would do something groundbreaking (such as opening the packaging of straws for the first time independently) he would happily come up to me and say, “Mommy, mommy, I can do it by using my head and thinking, right?” I would nod my head. If he dropped something under the table and couldn’t reach it with his hands, he would immediately run to the balcony and find the clothes pole.


He is also very patient and principled. For example, when he wants to buy something, he would ask me if he can buy it. I said, “No, you can’t buy it”. He would ask, “Is it because it’s expensive?” I answered, “No, it is not.” Then he went on, “So why can’t I buy it?” My answer would vary according to the specific situation, which may include: It was a waste of money; it was useless; we couldn’t buy it until Christmas; what you want to buy was not what we needed. Sometimes I would ask him why he wanted it so badly.

I think this is the advantage of teaching him to think independently. He won’t be upset when he meets any problem. He will use his mind and think about it before asking me for help. I used to feel like a servant to my child but now I feel like it’s getting easier and easier to raise him. I can communicate with Daniel, who is usually in a stable mood. He can understand my requirements and is willing to cooperate with me. He also knows that within certain limits he can feel free to have fun playing and “go crazy”.




Parenting is a topic that never ends. With the limited number of words, I’d like to share with you the most important point in my view: The core of establishing a healthy parent-child relationship is how you think about your child! Do you regard him as a treasure or the person who will bring you losses? Do you think he will provide you with motivation or drain your energy? Do you enjoy your relationship with your child or are you afraid to face the problems your child brings? Do you want to help him grow into a man of character, or do you want him to grow up quickly and set you free?

There is a saying in Moments that is very classic: “Don’t befriend your child at the right age for rules.” What bothers and confuses the children most, making them go crazy and become rebellious, is the inconsistent requirements from their parents. For example, what can be done today may not be allowed tomorrow; it is wrong for the children to do something but it is fine for parents to do the same thing...




In fact, we all have a set of values that we believe in, which determines how we think about our children and how we respond to them.

My husband and I have found our answer and direction in our belief. We all believe in the principles and teachings of the Bible, the world’s best-selling book of wisdom, so we have a consistent set of standards and guidelines for working with our child, in small matters as well as in large ones.

One of the most important things is that we should value our relationship with our spouse more than our children. As a popular saying goes, “The best education for children is that parents love each other.” Children will learn how to treat others through the interaction of their parents.

More importantly, the Bible says children are a heritage of the LORD and parents are just the caregivers and managers, not the owners. A child is a unique masterpiece created by God and has his or her own unique personality.

Because of this belief, we respect our child. We don’t yell at him or expect him to do everything we want him to. What we need to do is to discipline and guide him.

When he is absorbed in his study or observation, or immersed in his own thoughts, we don’t disturb him. Sometimes we resist the urge to hug him and give him the space to stay alone no matter how badly we want to.


We also give him several opportunities to try by himself. As long as he doesn’t ask for our help, we stay quiet and just observe. When we see that he is struggling on his own and even about to fall down, no matter how badly we want to help him, we resist the urge and give him a chance to try.

Nowadays, I still can see a lot of parents being bossed around by their children, which will only make them more and more exhausted. Take advantage of this time when your children are young, they are like a blank sheet of paper. During this period, their plasticity and ability to learn is so strong.

When Daniel was just one month old, he followed my husband and I to work and would go to church to learn. He grew up in our offices and the church, regardless of the weather (except for typhoons).

Our faith has lead us to believe that the real love for a child is to help them learn to be independent, to give them a chance to try and to allow them to get involved in their parents’ life.

To have real love for a child is to set the right example for them (I highly recommend this book “6A Parenting”). My husband and I still strive to be better people ourselves because we know very well that we are role models for our child, otherwise we will become his “servant”.

In 2019, I sincerely wish that every parent is able to blossom into the best possible version of themselves and enjoy a better relationship with their children!




And finally, I want to share my favorite poem about how to think about our children; On Children by Kahlil Gibran


Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,

which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them,

but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children

as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,

and He bends you with His might

that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;

For even as He loves the arrow that flies,

so He loves also the bow that is stable.