Siblings between the ages of 2.5 and nine fight an average of three or four times per hour!

However, fighting can be most intense when siblings are between the ages of eight and 12. It is common for siblings to fight and they tend to fight a lot.

Children need to learn healthy ways to fight so that they will be able to solve problems themselves and with non-family members as they become adults.

Talk to your children early about fair behavior. Create a fun family environment so that there is a balance of good and bad times.

Spend time with each child one-on-one every day so that they all feel loved and valued. You can also encourage your children to work as a team so that they are building up each other rather than tearing down their sibling.

Sibling rivalry can easily begin when your first child is no longer the only one.

A new brother or sister can be quite a shock, especially for younger toddlers. Your eldest child may not have the words to express how she feels but encourage her to share. Empathize with her feelings.

 

 

Help her to feel valued by including her in the preparation for her new brother or sister.

She can help think of baby names. She can choose old toys or clothes to give her new sibling. She can help feed or change her younger sibling to develop a sense of pride in being a good big sister.

As your children grow up, you will notice that they can be quite different! Their talents and interests will be unique.

Avoid the temptation to compare your children, especially to their faces. This can be interpreted as criticism. Instead of pointing out how they are different, celebrate each of their individual traits so that they all feel equally accepted.

When your children are fighting and they come to you with the problem, it can be easy to pick a side, but resist the temptation! Try your best to stay neutral.

Ask them both to relay what happened as well as what they want. Then, repeat what they say and ask: “What do you think of this solution?”

Continue this process until a compromise is made. If a solution does not develop, you can suggest one.

Sometimes you don’t even have to intervene at all. Younger children especially will get distracted and move on as if the fight never occurred.

Try to be patient and count to 10 before stepping in. Take a few deep breaths so that you are calm when handling the problem.

 

 

However, if violence is involved, it is imperative that you separate them immediately! Wait for them to calm down before moving forward with discipline.

Whenever you do discipline your children, always do so in private and never in front of each other. Public discipline can lead to teasing and worsen their relationship.

Enforce strict rules such as using kind words, being gentle, sharing, respecting each other’s belongings and following a hands-off policy.

These simple but vital rules will equip your children with the tools for healthy confrontation. They will learn to get along with each other and develop lifelong friendships!