China and the United States are two very different societies, each with a unique cultural background and a typical national character. How do you understand the difference in early family education in your country?

China and countries like the U.S. actually share more similarities than differences when it comes to family structures. Both cultures emphasize the importance of family and of developing strong bonds between parents and children.

Perhaps the biggest difference is that Chinese families are more likely to live with multiple generations in the same household. It’s unusual in the U.S. for grandparents to live with a new family for longer than a month or two after the birth of a new child.

For Chinese families with three generations in the same home, the advantage is that it’s easier to spread the work of caring for a new child amongst more people.  And it builds social ties across three generations.

But it also means that parents and grandparents need to discuss carefully about how they plan to teach and care for the child. Otherwise, parents and grandparents may unwittingly create two sets of rules and policies for the child in the home, which can be confusing and frustrating for everyone.

Nowadays, Chinese parents have enormous anxiety about their children’s education. The phrase “Don’t let the child lose at the starting line” is ubiquitous. Is there such a phenomenon in the United States?

It’s a common fear around the world and everyone wants to give their children a head start. The reality is that pushing a child too hard too early to learn something can make that kid dislike or resent education itself, and that’s the worst possible outcome.

The best thing parents of young children can do is to develop a love of education and to make learning fun. Usually, that means learning with and alongside your child. We are their role models and if they see us having fun reading and learning, they will also have fun learning and reading.

To a large extent, what we model is who they become!

Many young Chinese parents think that Western education is “free” and “giving space for children,” thus causing love. Can you tell us what early education in the United States is like?

The good news is that children are going to love their parents in almost every situation. We are their heroes and they have no point of comparison. They simply accept that we are great! So it’s not that increased freedom somehow causes children to love their parents more (or less) than other children.

Instead, Western parents try to use a “freedom within limits” model. Rather than an unfettered ability to do whatever they want whenever they want, parents set a range of options and restrictions and then give children choice within that range.

For example, parents don’t say: “Eat cake or your veggies, whatever you want.” Instead, they may say: “I’m making dinner now, do you want carrots, broccoli or cauliflower for your veggie?” That way, the child feels empowered and has a freedom of choice but the parents still ensure the child is eating a healthy meal.

The goal is to give a child as much freedom and independence as they can handle. If a child has learned to tie her shoes, then the parents will stop doing it for her, even if it means getting ready for school in the morning takes a bit longer than usual. It’s a good way of teaching that freedom also comes with responsibility.