Last time we discussed that more is caught than taught; that children learn from our own responses and reactions more than from our words of instruction.

With that in mind, what happens when the child chooses an inappropriate or unacceptable response to a situation?

Let’s take a very common response – screaming or whining. The goal with our children is truly not the moment, it is to help them grow up to be loving, responsible adults.

With that goal in mind, allowing a child to use screaming and whining as a method of communication is unacceptable. But what can we do?

Just tell them it is not ok. Just tell them to stop. You don’t have to be mean, just be firm. If a response is unacceptable, by definition we should not accept it.

Whatever they are whining or screaming about – they don’t get it, they don’t get to do it.

If screaming and whining succeeds to produce the desired response – the child gets what he want – then he is learning that screaming and whining is not only successful but a preferred method of communication.

The faster the success, the louder the whining and screaming will be in the future. If the goal is the moment, then giving the screaming/whining child what he wants to get him to stop is great – peace is regained – life is good.

But if the goal is to raise a child that will do well in school, be a joy for others to be around and in general be a kind, loving person, then allowing unacceptable behavior to become an acceptable form of communication is not going to help you reach the goal.

It is amazing how easy it is to just tell the child to stop and use words. Yes, it takes some time and repetition. The earlier you start, the easier it is.

The later you start training, the more consistent you will need to be. Don’t get frustrated or angry with the process. The reward is worth your time and effort, for both you and your child.

Learning to communicate properly takes time, good examples and consistency. The reward of having a kind, loving child that treats you and others with respect is priceless, for you, your child and all those around you.

So far, so good. But my child is so demanding that it is easier to just give in. I am not sure how she got this way, but she always knows what she wants. It is like she is the parent and I am here to serve her. It isn’t much fun.

Choice is power; and for a child, too much choice is too much power. But there is a simple way to test to see if this is the problem. Next time we will discuss the power of choice.