My son planned to go to the mall today to buy an aerial camera that he liked.
His father thought that the aerial camera that he wanted to buy was not much different from the one he already had—he thought he could buy a better and more powerful one.
After hearing what his father said, my son began to worry and kept saying that he only wanted to buy the aerial camera that he liked, and he didn't want the one his father suggested he buy.
I watched silently, felt how my son was feeling at that moment, and thought about how to talk to him.
Conversation with my son
Were you anxious when Dad told you to buy the other aerial camera?
Oh, you're worried that Dad will ask you to buy the aerial camera he suggested and won’t let you buy the one you like, yes?
Oh, that's why you're worried and depressed.
Mom wants to tell you that we will not decide to spend your own money for you, because you can now manage your own money, and it is up to you to decide how to spend your money.
Dad is just giving you advice because he thinks there is an aerial camera that might be more suitable for your current needs.
He wants to give you better advice so that you consider more options, and from there you can make the best decision.
Mom feels that you can calm yourself down first, then calmly listen to other peoples’ advice, and then think about it and make the best decision for you. What do you think?
This is just like how Dad bought you a bed: he looked back and forth for a week, compared a lot of stores, a lot of beds, and finally decided to buy you this bed. You like it very much, right? We all think it's a good buy, right?
Yes
Then my son began to focus on solving the problem, instead of worrying about whether he would be interfered with by his parents.
He no longer needed to fight with his parents, and thus began to listen more attentively to the information that was beneficial to him and focused on how to better solve the current problem.
Sometimes the behavior of a child we see is not what we think he or she feels or thinks. Sometimes behind this feeling and thought we see another kind of worry or way of thinking from them.
Listen attentively to your children, observe them and empathize with them, so as to communicate most effectively. Help the child grow up, but also let the child feel his parents' understanding of him.
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