On the way home from work at nightfall, I heard a dialogue between a grandma and her grandson. 

Grandma: “The teacher told me you hit someone again today!” She spoke in a nagging tone. 

Grandson: “Yes.” He was about 4 years old. 

Grandma: “Let me tell you, you cannot hit others. If you have any problems, you should turn to the teacher…” 

Grandson: “...”

Such dialogue is very common and sensitive. When such thing happens, as adults, our first response may not be as appropriate as we think. Just like the grandmother in the above dialogue, her first reaction was to blame her grandson for hitting others. She neglected the details of what happened, her grandson’s feelings, how the teacher dealt with the situation and the final result.

We all know that kids are kids, so it is inevitable that there might be frictions, quarrels and even fights when they spend time together. In such a situation, it is very crucial for us to guide our children to learn to protect themselves and solve the problems.

As parents, we should pay attention as soon as we first discover that our children have had a conflict with another child. We must keep a close eye on what exactly happened, analyze the specific situation and then consider how to give our children the appropriate guidance. 

For example, we can guide them to recognize their own emotions, “You are very angry now” or “He feels so sad because you took his toy”. We can teach them to use language to resolve issues, for example, “Follow me and say ‘Please return the toy to me’ or ‘I feel so sorry for taking your toy. 

I will give it back to you now.’” If the child is just interested in others’ toys, we can guide them to use their social skills, “Can I play with you?” or “Could I exchange my toy car for your excavator?” Of course, the answer might be unsatisfactory, so we should prepare them for the possible negative answers. Waiting or accepting the reality is also a normal part of life, so please don’t overreact.

It takes some time for children to get accustomed to group living. During this process, they need certain guidance and will eventually learn different skills to deal with various situations. As the observers and guides, we need to remind them to use these skills repeatedly. After all, practice makes perfect.